Little more depth

[sathor]

Just to give you an idea

What I realize is that ultimately any girl I come in contact with through friends even if they are single has been fucked by said friends, and unanimously the case would be it's just fling fucking for the sake of fucking, and what that means is that I want nothing to do with them.

Also listening to some chick drone on about how she got cheated on numerous times to Matt to find out later she's still seeing her boyfriend and fucking Matt? Way to take the moral high ground you fucking hypocrite. You were real smooth in making it look like you -just- met Matt in front of me, even asking for his number? I noticed you glancing like maybe you shouldn't make it obvious you are interested in him. You fucked him and you didn't already have his fucking number? Jesus christ is this what the world has come too? Why do I even bother holding any ideals whatsoever, or even interacting? Why do I bother even believing for a minute that I have any degree of desireability to the majority of the population? I give in. I don't. I don't want to have any value to you fuckers. And you were dressed alternative/gothy. You are such a fucking loser and yet I know I'm the loser. God damn you for fucking up my idealism, it would appear the only place I can have even a fragging wink of it is in a vacuum, the same place that I work on art. I step into your world and what a wake up call that is, every time.

And maybe my anger has more to do with the fact that I am so afflicted with whatever it is, be it looks or personality or lack of extroverted skills that I am that I must either appear like a guy who's going to bust your face in any second or merely want to be left to wallow in my own pit of self pity. There is no hope for someone like me. I don't make any claims that I'm a nice guy or that I have any worth. I simply wish I wouldn't have been forced into a world like this without my fucking permission. I know it's my fault but I can't be like you. So fucking sorry. Hope you enjoy the path you chose, though, I'm sure you will.

Comments

[freefall127.livejournal.com]

hey, you know, it might be a good idea to have some friends that are girls before you try dating them. i know that totally goes against conventional wisdom, but girls are good for more than just romantic relationships. it might really help your persona. also just because some people suck doesn't mean everybody sucks.

also, i'm sorry, hang in there.