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Feb. 24th, 2010 02:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sathorI've had a bottle of Bio Oil for almost half a year now and have barely used it. But I think I'm going to really give it a try after reading some reviews that it immensely helps dark circles under the eyes, uneven skin tone and hyperpigmentation.
I realized today that I'm really -not- that attractive. This is something I think I'll have to just come to accept. There's not enough money or time in the world to fix all of the things I don't like...and to be honest, I think my ex was flattering me considerably by even dating me, EVEN IF she is a really screwed up, manipulative, abusive person. She was definitely dating a guy who was below her attractiveness, I guess you might say...it sucks I'm saying that, but I think it's probably true.
Here's the first pic with color I'm comfortable showing. Unmodified. This is from today. You'll be able to see the PIH (Post-Inflammatory Hyperpigmentation) plain as day. It annoys the fuck out of me, and really it's just a stupid impermanent cosmetic defect, but I'm going to start doing everything I can to try and heal the damage my face has suffered. Obviously my face isn't perfect but I think it's otherwise pretty aesthetically pleasing...maybe :( The nose is a turn off from other angles but w/e. I'm hoping gaining some weight will help balance that out.
Am I vain, overly obsessed with perfection? Probably. But I guess that's just the way it is when you have no self-esteem :P
In other news, I'm trying to figure out what exactly I can do with what I can spend out of the $820 or so dollars I have left. I can't spend all of it, but there's enough leeway there I might be able to splurg a bit.
I was really thinking about COD:MW2 but to be honest, I'm not really interested...and I think I'd have to pick up a 9500GT to run it reasonably well and that adds up way too fast.
My PC as it stands is pretty damn good. It works well for everything I do - I've only ever had one FL project that started maxing out my CPU, but it seems to be a result of lack of multi-threading support more than anything else. Windows 7 would enhance my performance a lot but if I pick it up, I won't be getting -anything- else. The other thing I -really- need are Studio Monitors, with 8" drivers.
But when I really start to think about it, I'm just not sure I can honestly allow myself to invest in further hardware. If I go back to college my production of music will be extensively limited...there won't be much, if at all, line-in recording going on, and I won't be able to monitor without headphones anyway.
I'm really sitting at a fucked up point in my life, and I realize that. I'm at the point where the majority are graduating with bachelor's degrees and already out of the system. I have to go back and function in that system for at least two-three more years depending. After that it won't be so bad because it'll be grad school equivalent, and a lot of people -do- take breaks in between...not to mention they're all a certain level of maturity.
I want the traditional college experience, I really do...but I have to sacrifice some things to do that.
Freedom is the biggest fucking burden on the planet. I hope everyone realizes that. I have the freedom to do any fucking thing I want and it sickens me because I have to cut away a bunch of other possibilities to achieve that end. There's only so much goddamn time.
I realized today that I'm really -not- that attractive. This is something I think I'll have to just come to accept. There's not enough money or time in the world to fix all of the things I don't like...and to be honest, I think my ex was flattering me considerably by even dating me, EVEN IF she is a really screwed up, manipulative, abusive person. She was definitely dating a guy who was below her attractiveness, I guess you might say...it sucks I'm saying that, but I think it's probably true.
Here's the first pic with color I'm comfortable showing. Unmodified. This is from today. You'll be able to see the PIH (Post-Inflammatory Hyperpigmentation) plain as day. It annoys the fuck out of me, and really it's just a stupid impermanent cosmetic defect, but I'm going to start doing everything I can to try and heal the damage my face has suffered. Obviously my face isn't perfect but I think it's otherwise pretty aesthetically pleasing...maybe :( The nose is a turn off from other angles but w/e. I'm hoping gaining some weight will help balance that out.
Am I vain, overly obsessed with perfection? Probably. But I guess that's just the way it is when you have no self-esteem :P
In other news, I'm trying to figure out what exactly I can do with what I can spend out of the $820 or so dollars I have left. I can't spend all of it, but there's enough leeway there I might be able to splurg a bit.
I was really thinking about COD:MW2 but to be honest, I'm not really interested...and I think I'd have to pick up a 9500GT to run it reasonably well and that adds up way too fast.
My PC as it stands is pretty damn good. It works well for everything I do - I've only ever had one FL project that started maxing out my CPU, but it seems to be a result of lack of multi-threading support more than anything else. Windows 7 would enhance my performance a lot but if I pick it up, I won't be getting -anything- else. The other thing I -really- need are Studio Monitors, with 8" drivers.
But when I really start to think about it, I'm just not sure I can honestly allow myself to invest in further hardware. If I go back to college my production of music will be extensively limited...there won't be much, if at all, line-in recording going on, and I won't be able to monitor without headphones anyway.
I'm really sitting at a fucked up point in my life, and I realize that. I'm at the point where the majority are graduating with bachelor's degrees and already out of the system. I have to go back and function in that system for at least two-three more years depending. After that it won't be so bad because it'll be grad school equivalent, and a lot of people -do- take breaks in between...not to mention they're all a certain level of maturity.
I want the traditional college experience, I really do...but I have to sacrifice some things to do that.
Freedom is the biggest fucking burden on the planet. I hope everyone realizes that. I have the freedom to do any fucking thing I want and it sickens me because I have to cut away a bunch of other possibilities to achieve that end. There's only so much goddamn time.
