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Dec. 16th, 2014 10:38 pmI don't have much to say, because what I want to write, isn't positive.
I've done the best that I can so far, with what I've had. It hasn't been all that great.
I've managed to land a job that pays around the average career wage in the United States. It has a lot of downsides. It's a toxic environment, physically and at times mentally/emotionally. It has long hours without days off at times. It rotates shifts at times. It's in an industry which I consider to be dying, and will likely be mostly dead by the time I am in my late forties and fifties. I can't see smaller refineries like this one surviving the changing energy landscape.
I've been single for two years again. I've had not even a real close encounter - meaning, I've not even come close to having even a date, let alone a relationship. Only one person was even remotely promising and that was shut down within two weeks, basically. Besides that, I've never even been in the dating game in my life. My relationships happened like magic, for whatever reason. I know nothing of courtship and it's late in my days to be as ignorant of it as I am. I don't feel that's a harsh judgment.
So, yeah. I've done the best that I can so far, with what I've had. What else can I say?
I see other people succeed in so many facets of their lives and yet I can only get one or two right. I'm not crying out in self-pity because life isn't fair (and it isn't fair) I'm simply taken-aback by the fact I can't seem to figure so many facets out. I can't seem to get them straight. I can't seem to fix so many things.
There really was a time in my life when I didn't worry about this, when I didn't make comparisons, and when I didn't really care. I can hold on to that not caring again, if I have to - but it seems to me that not caring is somehow part of the reason why I can't get the rest of these facets straight. But there again, I have tried caring as well, and that seems not to help either. Try this, try that - no success. No change. Empty promises and empty results.
If there is a God, you can at any time give me a helping hand. Because I've been trying to help myself for awhile now, and I've always heard you help those who help themselves. Well, it's not working.
I've done the best that I can so far, with what I've had. It hasn't been all that great.
I've managed to land a job that pays around the average career wage in the United States. It has a lot of downsides. It's a toxic environment, physically and at times mentally/emotionally. It has long hours without days off at times. It rotates shifts at times. It's in an industry which I consider to be dying, and will likely be mostly dead by the time I am in my late forties and fifties. I can't see smaller refineries like this one surviving the changing energy landscape.
I've been single for two years again. I've had not even a real close encounter - meaning, I've not even come close to having even a date, let alone a relationship. Only one person was even remotely promising and that was shut down within two weeks, basically. Besides that, I've never even been in the dating game in my life. My relationships happened like magic, for whatever reason. I know nothing of courtship and it's late in my days to be as ignorant of it as I am. I don't feel that's a harsh judgment.
So, yeah. I've done the best that I can so far, with what I've had. What else can I say?
I see other people succeed in so many facets of their lives and yet I can only get one or two right. I'm not crying out in self-pity because life isn't fair (and it isn't fair) I'm simply taken-aback by the fact I can't seem to figure so many facets out. I can't seem to get them straight. I can't seem to fix so many things.
There really was a time in my life when I didn't worry about this, when I didn't make comparisons, and when I didn't really care. I can hold on to that not caring again, if I have to - but it seems to me that not caring is somehow part of the reason why I can't get the rest of these facets straight. But there again, I have tried caring as well, and that seems not to help either. Try this, try that - no success. No change. Empty promises and empty results.
If there is a God, you can at any time give me a helping hand. Because I've been trying to help myself for awhile now, and I've always heard you help those who help themselves. Well, it's not working.
