![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
The Other Side
Sep. 3rd, 2014 08:58 pmHegelian dialectic is an idea, if memory serves, that one thing (ideology in the case of philosophy) will be followed by its opposite, after which a synthesis occurs, bringing the ideology closer to the truth, and, a middle ground. The examples always given as I recall, were that of cultures - for instance, great degrees of decadence, followed by periods of minimalism.
So as it happens, while I posted I wasn't sure I could live alone forever, yesterday it struck me that, gee, I'm not even sure I could be with anyone anyway. Could I even handle it? Not only have I been burned a lot, so opening up at this point is questionable...when will I have the time? How could I possibly offer anything? I can barely keep friendships afloat while working full time or more...and trying to moderate my moods and keep my health in check. Seems to me that it's almost an impossible thing, for me to have a successful, life-long relationship. When someone does take an interest in me...I create distance. I haven't done that since I was in high school. And the worst part is, it could be a sign that a lot more interest is going to be taken in the near future...and it means that I'm going to end up hurting feelings, too. Because that's what happens. It can't ever be just ONE person. It's always MORE than one.
I'm tired and really getting to my wits end with work. I called off today. How can I possibly pull myself together without serious time to recuperate, I don't know. Two weeks wouldn't even be enough.
Give me strength.
So as it happens, while I posted I wasn't sure I could live alone forever, yesterday it struck me that, gee, I'm not even sure I could be with anyone anyway. Could I even handle it? Not only have I been burned a lot, so opening up at this point is questionable...when will I have the time? How could I possibly offer anything? I can barely keep friendships afloat while working full time or more...and trying to moderate my moods and keep my health in check. Seems to me that it's almost an impossible thing, for me to have a successful, life-long relationship. When someone does take an interest in me...I create distance. I haven't done that since I was in high school. And the worst part is, it could be a sign that a lot more interest is going to be taken in the near future...and it means that I'm going to end up hurting feelings, too. Because that's what happens. It can't ever be just ONE person. It's always MORE than one.
I'm tired and really getting to my wits end with work. I called off today. How can I possibly pull myself together without serious time to recuperate, I don't know. Two weeks wouldn't even be enough.
Give me strength.
