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May. 4th, 2013 03:04 amI dated Meghan again for five weeks. Only to be completely and utterly disappointed and hurt by it. Not only did she neglect me for two weeks, ignore my texts, citing being "busy" (nobody is busy eighteen hours a day) she spent the weekend with me two weekends ago (acting like everything was perfect, discussing marriage, etc.), only to force me to break things off (or she would have) two days after. Two weeks of hell since basically, arguments in text and the whole nine yards. I've said a lot of terrible things, but I don't really regret any of them.
Only a completely unstable, or malignant person, could talk about marriage, have loving sex with someone, and even run back to their car for a final goodbye kiss, only to break things off...and then date someone else immediately after...two days later. I feel like the biggest fool in the world. I feel used and discarded. It is wrong that this happened to me - it is wrong on so many levels, and she disagrees completely. She feels she was justified in doing all of it. And of course, she uses the words I used after it all to justify it further (that's a logical fallacy, by the way.)
I was wronged. I wanted revenge, but there's no revenge that would be satisfactory really. The only thing I can do, is take inventory on myself. Try to heal myself. Pray that someday, maybe, I can find a lover who is positive towards me...who doesn't seek out my flaws...and use them against me, to justify malignant or neglectful or manipulative behavior.
I hate that I've gone through this "flip a switch" end to a relationship so many times. There's never a steady breakdown. In fact, this second time with Meghan, is the only time there has ever been any real foreshadowing (the neglect for two weeks - although the weekend erased all of that...and back to the same neglect she went, to end it.)
As you can see in the previous post, I did see it foreshadowed. That was a night she promised to come back to her dorm and call me 15 minutes from the moment she said it. Well, 30 hours later, I finally got a text from her saying she was okay. So as you can imagine, in that 30 hours, I freaked out - I put together the foreshadowed pieces of neglect, /lightly/ accused foul play, but eventually just sent her a few messages saying, "please, get ahold of me when you get this - I'm worried" because I was...because we never went that long before without speaking.
It wasn't fair to me, and she used that against me in the end too...she felt that I couldn't trust her...but really, 30 hours without any attempt to talk to me...that's a breach of trust, especially when you promised to call.
The reason she didn't?
Her friend dragged her over to her dorm, and she didn't bother going back to her dorm to get her phone charger in that 30 hours, or use her friends computer to send me a face book message (or any computer in the whole university) or her laptop (which she had just been using, somewhere other than her dorm, to talk to me on skype.)
She lied about that. She claims she didn't...but it's apparent. Too many things don't add up. And if I had been a priority...it would have never happened in the first place.
I really want something bad to happen to her, to make her pay for this...I feel wronged. So wronged.
But there's really nothing I can do about it...and probably I wouldn't feel any better, even if something bad did happen. After all, it's not going to bring me back the girl I thought I was going to marry.
For fucks sake God, when is someone going to stick by me?
Only a completely unstable, or malignant person, could talk about marriage, have loving sex with someone, and even run back to their car for a final goodbye kiss, only to break things off...and then date someone else immediately after...two days later. I feel like the biggest fool in the world. I feel used and discarded. It is wrong that this happened to me - it is wrong on so many levels, and she disagrees completely. She feels she was justified in doing all of it. And of course, she uses the words I used after it all to justify it further (that's a logical fallacy, by the way.)
I was wronged. I wanted revenge, but there's no revenge that would be satisfactory really. The only thing I can do, is take inventory on myself. Try to heal myself. Pray that someday, maybe, I can find a lover who is positive towards me...who doesn't seek out my flaws...and use them against me, to justify malignant or neglectful or manipulative behavior.
I hate that I've gone through this "flip a switch" end to a relationship so many times. There's never a steady breakdown. In fact, this second time with Meghan, is the only time there has ever been any real foreshadowing (the neglect for two weeks - although the weekend erased all of that...and back to the same neglect she went, to end it.)
As you can see in the previous post, I did see it foreshadowed. That was a night she promised to come back to her dorm and call me 15 minutes from the moment she said it. Well, 30 hours later, I finally got a text from her saying she was okay. So as you can imagine, in that 30 hours, I freaked out - I put together the foreshadowed pieces of neglect, /lightly/ accused foul play, but eventually just sent her a few messages saying, "please, get ahold of me when you get this - I'm worried" because I was...because we never went that long before without speaking.
It wasn't fair to me, and she used that against me in the end too...she felt that I couldn't trust her...but really, 30 hours without any attempt to talk to me...that's a breach of trust, especially when you promised to call.
The reason she didn't?
Her friend dragged her over to her dorm, and she didn't bother going back to her dorm to get her phone charger in that 30 hours, or use her friends computer to send me a face book message (or any computer in the whole university) or her laptop (which she had just been using, somewhere other than her dorm, to talk to me on skype.)
She lied about that. She claims she didn't...but it's apparent. Too many things don't add up. And if I had been a priority...it would have never happened in the first place.
I really want something bad to happen to her, to make her pay for this...I feel wronged. So wronged.
But there's really nothing I can do about it...and probably I wouldn't feel any better, even if something bad did happen. After all, it's not going to bring me back the girl I thought I was going to marry.
For fucks sake God, when is someone going to stick by me?
