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I have had many different stages in my life. But very little carries on from stage to stage - the people I knew and associated with in different stages, pass on to different stages themselves. We split paths and never speak again - and particularly with women, if we do, it's usually not on positive terms (Susan and Valerie are good examples of this - while I felt Susan was one of the "better" people I knew in this life, she didn't have the time of day for me after a year of not speaking - and that was her fault, not mine)
If you thought of stages like the different stages of a story or a play, I guess it would still fit. I suppose that's part of the influence life itself has on the writing of fiction. Of course most characters have continuity throughout the entirety of the play...but I guess, my play is different.
Looking back through the 250 some pictures on my old phone, most of which were from Alaska, I just have a lot of nostalgia. I know I can't get those experiences back, or those people. In the words of Dion Fortune, what we sacrifice releases energy that will, with certainty, manifest itself again in a different form, as energy available is a constant (and that even sits well with conservation of matter/energy.) This is a strange concept at first, and in some ways, maybe, disappointing - if energy truly is constant, then one can only figure that for those of us who never seem to have much, there's not much in the way of getting /more/. We can be rid of one aspect to gain another. But to gain more manifest energy? I'm not sure that's actually possible. In Qabalah ritual magick, one of the concepts is pulling down energy from Kether to manifest as it desires. That might be an example, but I can't be sure it works. I've toyed with it, but not extensively. The main point there is that the energy is to be allowed to manifest as /it/ wills - which is far different from the traditions in other necks of the esoteric woods. This is why Qabalists are often called "light workers" - bringing more energy to manifest in the world results in more for everyone - not always positive manifestation, but in balance with the nature of Malkuth and the higher sephiroth. None of which are wholly positive, but this is the nature of incarnation (if you believe in that sort of thing.)
Talking to Susan a couple months ago on Facebook I think was one of the major reasons I left. Like Lyn, who was a more recent meeting, she saw fit to attack me severely over my mindset - which isn't COMPLETELY negative. For those who feel there is no room for criticism or critical examination of anything in this world (or who is overbearingly positive) I feel they are as delusional as the other end of the spectrum. I do recall my feelings towards Susan after a few months of dating were mostly that she had some serious issues herself that were not yet resolved. Her tearing into me actually started over my comments over her saying things like, "I'm working on saving money so I can outfit my apartment to seduce people" which led into me kinda bringing up promiscuity and how I don't really agree with it, which I think struck a nerve with her - after all, she left me because I wasn't able to please her sexually from PA, and I hadn't yet found a job.
Of course, I let her know that I had a job now, and I was hoping she might want to take a trip. Scratch that. I'm sure I'll probably never get to talk to her again. Sadly.
I've been talking to Meghan again, which I guess is good? I don't really know how I feel about it, to be honest. I still love her, she still loves me, but I'm not really sure I'm fit for a real relationship anymore. I think I've tolerated a little too much damage to be a true partner now.
If you thought of stages like the different stages of a story or a play, I guess it would still fit. I suppose that's part of the influence life itself has on the writing of fiction. Of course most characters have continuity throughout the entirety of the play...but I guess, my play is different.
Looking back through the 250 some pictures on my old phone, most of which were from Alaska, I just have a lot of nostalgia. I know I can't get those experiences back, or those people. In the words of Dion Fortune, what we sacrifice releases energy that will, with certainty, manifest itself again in a different form, as energy available is a constant (and that even sits well with conservation of matter/energy.) This is a strange concept at first, and in some ways, maybe, disappointing - if energy truly is constant, then one can only figure that for those of us who never seem to have much, there's not much in the way of getting /more/. We can be rid of one aspect to gain another. But to gain more manifest energy? I'm not sure that's actually possible. In Qabalah ritual magick, one of the concepts is pulling down energy from Kether to manifest as it desires. That might be an example, but I can't be sure it works. I've toyed with it, but not extensively. The main point there is that the energy is to be allowed to manifest as /it/ wills - which is far different from the traditions in other necks of the esoteric woods. This is why Qabalists are often called "light workers" - bringing more energy to manifest in the world results in more for everyone - not always positive manifestation, but in balance with the nature of Malkuth and the higher sephiroth. None of which are wholly positive, but this is the nature of incarnation (if you believe in that sort of thing.)
Talking to Susan a couple months ago on Facebook I think was one of the major reasons I left. Like Lyn, who was a more recent meeting, she saw fit to attack me severely over my mindset - which isn't COMPLETELY negative. For those who feel there is no room for criticism or critical examination of anything in this world (or who is overbearingly positive) I feel they are as delusional as the other end of the spectrum. I do recall my feelings towards Susan after a few months of dating were mostly that she had some serious issues herself that were not yet resolved. Her tearing into me actually started over my comments over her saying things like, "I'm working on saving money so I can outfit my apartment to seduce people" which led into me kinda bringing up promiscuity and how I don't really agree with it, which I think struck a nerve with her - after all, she left me because I wasn't able to please her sexually from PA, and I hadn't yet found a job.
Of course, I let her know that I had a job now, and I was hoping she might want to take a trip. Scratch that. I'm sure I'll probably never get to talk to her again. Sadly.
I've been talking to Meghan again, which I guess is good? I don't really know how I feel about it, to be honest. I still love her, she still loves me, but I'm not really sure I'm fit for a real relationship anymore. I think I've tolerated a little too much damage to be a true partner now.
