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I think I'm now part of a minority of people. The ones who simply don't give a fuck about relationships. If it's really a minority (or a group) at all - besides ascetics and such.
My perspective has really shifted, in a rather permanent way. And I think I can say that I honestly just don't want it anymore.
I don't know if this means eventually casual sex will show up in my life - that's even less something I'm concerned about, in any case - but I do know it's changed the way I interact with women a bit and I like that. It may be the only way I can finally get back to who I was in high school, before all of the damage. I used to really enjoy being friends with girls, and ever since Cookie I wasn't able to do that. My self esteem was ruined and I was too busy thinking about possible partners to just pay attention to them as human beings. Rather unfortunate, but I'm glad it's been cleared up. After the conversation with the girl at the party wednesday, I think it's also safe to say I'm not alone in this experience. I think maybe a good portion of people have a relationship ending that really breaks them as people. Recovering from that is a real challenge, but once you do, well...maybe it results in a much better, well-adapted person.
And you know, if I could go back and do high school all over again, I probably would. The idea makes me smile, which is an interesting change itself. The reason is mainly because I just didn't take a lot of the opportunities that were there for me, sexually, romantically, socially and otherwise. Then again, I just wasn't mature enough to handle most of that anyway, or their consequences.
So glad to feel human again.
My scalp infection came back, but I'm trying to fight it off with loads of vitamins every day. We'll see what happens - although I've heard the health care bill went into effect recently, so I might have full coverage shortly. Because the fact is, even if I had gotten a job in the past few months, I wouldn't have insurance yet. And I'd be one pissed off motherfucker at the fact I was dealing with a scalp infection in a work environment without coverage.
Glad things have worked out the way they have.
So glad.
Discovered a few more tricks for production of drum tracks in particular, and have been practicing piano daily again.
Sorry for the big gap. I'll try to be more active from now on.
My perspective has really shifted, in a rather permanent way. And I think I can say that I honestly just don't want it anymore.
I don't know if this means eventually casual sex will show up in my life - that's even less something I'm concerned about, in any case - but I do know it's changed the way I interact with women a bit and I like that. It may be the only way I can finally get back to who I was in high school, before all of the damage. I used to really enjoy being friends with girls, and ever since Cookie I wasn't able to do that. My self esteem was ruined and I was too busy thinking about possible partners to just pay attention to them as human beings. Rather unfortunate, but I'm glad it's been cleared up. After the conversation with the girl at the party wednesday, I think it's also safe to say I'm not alone in this experience. I think maybe a good portion of people have a relationship ending that really breaks them as people. Recovering from that is a real challenge, but once you do, well...maybe it results in a much better, well-adapted person.
And you know, if I could go back and do high school all over again, I probably would. The idea makes me smile, which is an interesting change itself. The reason is mainly because I just didn't take a lot of the opportunities that were there for me, sexually, romantically, socially and otherwise. Then again, I just wasn't mature enough to handle most of that anyway, or their consequences.
So glad to feel human again.
My scalp infection came back, but I'm trying to fight it off with loads of vitamins every day. We'll see what happens - although I've heard the health care bill went into effect recently, so I might have full coverage shortly. Because the fact is, even if I had gotten a job in the past few months, I wouldn't have insurance yet. And I'd be one pissed off motherfucker at the fact I was dealing with a scalp infection in a work environment without coverage.
Glad things have worked out the way they have.
So glad.
Discovered a few more tricks for production of drum tracks in particular, and have been practicing piano daily again.
Sorry for the big gap. I'll try to be more active from now on.
