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Aug. 22nd, 2010 07:42 pmIt's one of those moments where I feel like I'm right on the edge of just giving up completely, maybe wandering homeless or doing something equally stupid because honestly I'm really sick and tired of living.
The best thing to ever happen to me, and I throw it all away. And I fuck it all up. And I ruin it, why? Because I'm an idiot. Hey, it makes sense, and it all adds up - after all, I never got paid much when I did work, I didn't gain any real benefit from my college education - short as it was. It makes sense.
I must have some sort of disease where I am not aware of the condition, and no one else makes me aware of it either. Where no matter what kind of dreams I have, they are crushed - where no matter what kind of work I want to do, I can't do it - where no matter how hard I try to improve myself, I'm still trumped by the average joe, who must have a higher IQ and a better grasp on things than me.
So I'm retarded, I can accept that. Something in my development was stunted and it has affected every aspect of my sad, misery-filled life. I'm never going to get very far. I'm never going to find happiness. I'm never going to find love. I'm never going to achieve anything.
Susan was the best fucking thing that ever happened to me, AND I RUINED IT, AGAIN, JUST LIKE EVERY TIME BEFORE. I don't deserve a fucking thing in this world, and considering that's the case, I'D RATHER ENJOY BEING TAKEN OUT OF IT IMMEDIATELY, THANK YOU. Considering I am so incapable at everything else, I'd probably fail at suicide as well, SO I'M ASKING NICELY, GOD, GET THIS FUCKING HELL HOLE OVER WITH ALREADY.
The best thing to ever happen to me, and I throw it all away. And I fuck it all up. And I ruin it, why? Because I'm an idiot. Hey, it makes sense, and it all adds up - after all, I never got paid much when I did work, I didn't gain any real benefit from my college education - short as it was. It makes sense.
I must have some sort of disease where I am not aware of the condition, and no one else makes me aware of it either. Where no matter what kind of dreams I have, they are crushed - where no matter what kind of work I want to do, I can't do it - where no matter how hard I try to improve myself, I'm still trumped by the average joe, who must have a higher IQ and a better grasp on things than me.
So I'm retarded, I can accept that. Something in my development was stunted and it has affected every aspect of my sad, misery-filled life. I'm never going to get very far. I'm never going to find happiness. I'm never going to find love. I'm never going to achieve anything.
Susan was the best fucking thing that ever happened to me, AND I RUINED IT, AGAIN, JUST LIKE EVERY TIME BEFORE. I don't deserve a fucking thing in this world, and considering that's the case, I'D RATHER ENJOY BEING TAKEN OUT OF IT IMMEDIATELY, THANK YOU. Considering I am so incapable at everything else, I'd probably fail at suicide as well, SO I'M ASKING NICELY, GOD, GET THIS FUCKING HELL HOLE OVER WITH ALREADY.
