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Woes and Happenings
Jun. 12th, 2010 02:16 amStill no job yet, although a good prospect has popped up that may or may not lead to some fruits. If it doesn't, I'll be booking my ticket shortly...and I should know within a week whether or not I'll have it. My laptop died and I am currently stuck using this POS Mac OSX. Either the HD or LCD screen went...it's a complete blank screen on power up with no error codes so I assume the screen. This is very discouraging and I'm having to do all sorts of stupid shit to try and get MSN messenger. I need my kristie :(
9-10/h really won't cut it, and the businesses I have applied to...which have been numerous...have not responded. One of my references apparently moved and had their number disconnected, so this may be part of it. I'm currently trying to rectify that situation by finding out the current number so I don't fuck up what amounts to my latest and probably final application. To be honest I am running out of steam and am somewhat disheartened by the fact everyone here is so ridiculously positive, to the point of possibly damaging themselves or others lives. Sometimes things DON'T WORK OUT and THAT'S SIMPLY THE WAY IT IS. You can't always expect things to get better without a change /either/. There's a good reason why I've never been ridiculously positive and what has been happening is one of them.
I can't say I don't like it here. I like the people for the most part, besides the rich egotists who almost assuredly get a good portion of their full year's income in four months from hidden government grants to boost the economy here, and secondly because apparently most of them COLLECT UNEMPLOYMENT AFTER THE SUMMER SEASON IS OVER. EVERY YEAR. Surprise surprise...they were making in many cases 50/h or greater for a full quarter, and you know what that means...they get to collect that amount for another month or two or three afterwards...thank God for the government, eh? Helping people in the middle of nowhere support their unsustainable lives. Lets not forget the price gouging once all of the migrant workers like myself (I didn't realize that's what I was - now I see there was more behind the motivations of others) show up. $5 for a small bag of chips? $3 for a 16oz bottle of mt. dew? $8 for a pack of cigarettes? Give me a break...you get it shipped to you by boat in bulk, which IS PROBABLY CHEAPER THAN VIA TRUCK LIKE THE REST OF THE CONTINENTAL US.
I knew something was fishy after a couple weeks here. For one, the 2010 Census is currently going on. This makes me think a lot of the people here have pushed to have additional people lodged in their houses because it technically will count on the census forms and result in even more money being pumped into this worthless region. You heard me - worthless. There is no fucking industry here, no production. No farms. The land is all protected so there are no resources to be transformed into wealth. All they have is fishing, and to be honest, with the amount of fuel each of these selfish bastards needs to provide their tiny ships with propellant and net them a thousand here or there, the bigger ships toting even worse mileage, i'm quite convinced that the only way anyone turns a profit is via migrant workers pumping money from elsewhere into here, federal funding, and overpriced fish thanks to the cyclical economic system of continually raising cost of living. Small houses cost $300,000, for reference...and the funny part is that even if you bought a house, you wouldn't have any work roughly 7 months out of the year. And it's not going to involve PRODUCING ANYTHING.
But back to the main feeling. I get a strong feeling that many of the people here are intimidated by me, just like back home. They can tell I have a great deal of animosity and I see right through all of this bullshit. Nobody, especially management, likes to see that in a potential employee. They want yes men. And I simply can no longer provide that kind of entertainment. I can't tolerate the ignorance any more. I'll bend over only so far...and considering I'm away from my only source of expression, shit is building up fast.
But you know what, my real home is at Hippy Cove. Those guys live sustainable lives. They don't take handouts. They live in harsh conditions and have to work hard to keep themselves alive...and yet still the most welcoming and happy people here. The fishermen are selfish and quite unwilling to give inexperienced individuals a chance...they'd prefer a highschool dropout with a few years of fishing, or at least having grown up in Cordova, to a college educated, highly driven and motivated...quick learning individual. Of course they would. Because apparently a good deal of them are highschool dropouts themselves...and they were making 40k+ in four months at 16. But of course, I can't do that. Because I'm a 22 year old college graduate who didn't grow up in Cordova...now wait a minute, why the hell was everyone so positive before I came here? I get the strong fucking feeling that there was something people weren't telling me, and that there was an alterior motive all along. You want to take me out of hell, but you put me right back into one...love the people...but can't sustain myself here...and I have no studio and no computer. I am nowhere near my friends, or my family. And I refuse to live with an aunt and uncle I've met only once or twice besides now in my lifetime for much longer than a couple months.
Belle is obsessed with trying to subliminally get me to STAY FOREVER in cordova. She mentions it almost daily, about how "it's just going to work out that I'm going to want to spend my life here" or "sometimes people come here and decide they were cordovans all along" You know, I do like it here, but I'm an electronic musician not a folk musician, and I'm a hard-working, industrial, highly educated fellow...not a fisherman. I'm a philosopher theologian, not a christian. I'm depressed, masochistic, and lonely...not part of this community.
Pete will be back sunday. If I do not hear from the hospital I am applying at within a week I am booking my ticket for before my birthday in August. If I can't find steady work pete is going to abuse my status and utilize me for free labor doing things for him. He's family but I've only met him once before...it's absolutely ridiculous.
Susan is a wonderful girl who was apparently eye raping the hell out of me when we first met. She thought it was rather funny I didn't realize this, in her words, "Wow, you really are oblivious..." this of course makes me wonder how many girls are thinking about me and I don't even realize it? Apparently I'm a hot commodity...how do you like that? All I had to do was grow some fucking balls and start being direct with people I haven't met. I guess it took going halfway across the world to achieve that change.
My anxiety is destroyed. This may be a bad thing because my animosity is really starting to show outwardly towards people who recognize their own faults...which are damaging to the world and beneficial to themselves...fucking egoists.
9-10/h really won't cut it, and the businesses I have applied to...which have been numerous...have not responded. One of my references apparently moved and had their number disconnected, so this may be part of it. I'm currently trying to rectify that situation by finding out the current number so I don't fuck up what amounts to my latest and probably final application. To be honest I am running out of steam and am somewhat disheartened by the fact everyone here is so ridiculously positive, to the point of possibly damaging themselves or others lives. Sometimes things DON'T WORK OUT and THAT'S SIMPLY THE WAY IT IS. You can't always expect things to get better without a change /either/. There's a good reason why I've never been ridiculously positive and what has been happening is one of them.
I can't say I don't like it here. I like the people for the most part, besides the rich egotists who almost assuredly get a good portion of their full year's income in four months from hidden government grants to boost the economy here, and secondly because apparently most of them COLLECT UNEMPLOYMENT AFTER THE SUMMER SEASON IS OVER. EVERY YEAR. Surprise surprise...they were making in many cases 50/h or greater for a full quarter, and you know what that means...they get to collect that amount for another month or two or three afterwards...thank God for the government, eh? Helping people in the middle of nowhere support their unsustainable lives. Lets not forget the price gouging once all of the migrant workers like myself (I didn't realize that's what I was - now I see there was more behind the motivations of others) show up. $5 for a small bag of chips? $3 for a 16oz bottle of mt. dew? $8 for a pack of cigarettes? Give me a break...you get it shipped to you by boat in bulk, which IS PROBABLY CHEAPER THAN VIA TRUCK LIKE THE REST OF THE CONTINENTAL US.
I knew something was fishy after a couple weeks here. For one, the 2010 Census is currently going on. This makes me think a lot of the people here have pushed to have additional people lodged in their houses because it technically will count on the census forms and result in even more money being pumped into this worthless region. You heard me - worthless. There is no fucking industry here, no production. No farms. The land is all protected so there are no resources to be transformed into wealth. All they have is fishing, and to be honest, with the amount of fuel each of these selfish bastards needs to provide their tiny ships with propellant and net them a thousand here or there, the bigger ships toting even worse mileage, i'm quite convinced that the only way anyone turns a profit is via migrant workers pumping money from elsewhere into here, federal funding, and overpriced fish thanks to the cyclical economic system of continually raising cost of living. Small houses cost $300,000, for reference...and the funny part is that even if you bought a house, you wouldn't have any work roughly 7 months out of the year. And it's not going to involve PRODUCING ANYTHING.
But back to the main feeling. I get a strong feeling that many of the people here are intimidated by me, just like back home. They can tell I have a great deal of animosity and I see right through all of this bullshit. Nobody, especially management, likes to see that in a potential employee. They want yes men. And I simply can no longer provide that kind of entertainment. I can't tolerate the ignorance any more. I'll bend over only so far...and considering I'm away from my only source of expression, shit is building up fast.
But you know what, my real home is at Hippy Cove. Those guys live sustainable lives. They don't take handouts. They live in harsh conditions and have to work hard to keep themselves alive...and yet still the most welcoming and happy people here. The fishermen are selfish and quite unwilling to give inexperienced individuals a chance...they'd prefer a highschool dropout with a few years of fishing, or at least having grown up in Cordova, to a college educated, highly driven and motivated...quick learning individual. Of course they would. Because apparently a good deal of them are highschool dropouts themselves...and they were making 40k+ in four months at 16. But of course, I can't do that. Because I'm a 22 year old college graduate who didn't grow up in Cordova...now wait a minute, why the hell was everyone so positive before I came here? I get the strong fucking feeling that there was something people weren't telling me, and that there was an alterior motive all along. You want to take me out of hell, but you put me right back into one...love the people...but can't sustain myself here...and I have no studio and no computer. I am nowhere near my friends, or my family. And I refuse to live with an aunt and uncle I've met only once or twice besides now in my lifetime for much longer than a couple months.
Belle is obsessed with trying to subliminally get me to STAY FOREVER in cordova. She mentions it almost daily, about how "it's just going to work out that I'm going to want to spend my life here" or "sometimes people come here and decide they were cordovans all along" You know, I do like it here, but I'm an electronic musician not a folk musician, and I'm a hard-working, industrial, highly educated fellow...not a fisherman. I'm a philosopher theologian, not a christian. I'm depressed, masochistic, and lonely...not part of this community.
Pete will be back sunday. If I do not hear from the hospital I am applying at within a week I am booking my ticket for before my birthday in August. If I can't find steady work pete is going to abuse my status and utilize me for free labor doing things for him. He's family but I've only met him once before...it's absolutely ridiculous.
Susan is a wonderful girl who was apparently eye raping the hell out of me when we first met. She thought it was rather funny I didn't realize this, in her words, "Wow, you really are oblivious..." this of course makes me wonder how many girls are thinking about me and I don't even realize it? Apparently I'm a hot commodity...how do you like that? All I had to do was grow some fucking balls and start being direct with people I haven't met. I guess it took going halfway across the world to achieve that change.
My anxiety is destroyed. This may be a bad thing because my animosity is really starting to show outwardly towards people who recognize their own faults...which are damaging to the world and beneficial to themselves...fucking egoists.
