The Dark Knight

I finally got around to watching it tonight.

I didn't find the Joker's acting to be as incredible as people said it was. Honestly. However, the ideas, concepts, philosophy and ideology of the character is profound, and I can see how it may have driven him mad to play the part. Beyond that though, I think he lived a really isolated life and that probably led to his demise. I find myself considering that similarity about myself, but I've got a ways to go, people to meet, and places to see. Maybe he felt he didn't. It's like getting to the top of the world and realizing there is nothing left. But there are a lot of things left for me to see and do before I die, and I'm not about to give up on it. I'm giving up on some things for now - but there's nothing here worth going after anyway. There never was, and I should've gone back and read my journals before I ever got into a relationship with my ex. I should've known better.

But hey - everything happens for a reason. And I have a feeling if I hadn't of stuck around, I wouldn't be where I am artistically today. And it's a good place.

But there are things left for me, even if they aren't around right now. There really is. I'm adding another resolution to the list - getting a Wacom tablet. A nice one. My art revolves around technology, and maybe, just maybe, I can do like Dierdre said and combine graphical art and music. I'm going to try and keep in touch with her...I was very surprised by how easily we talked with one another, and I think it could really grow into a good friendship. And you never know, there's always that possibility for something more when you don't completely annihilate it by idiotic actions.

On friday, I went to the bar with a couple guys after work. It was a good time. I enjoyed the outing. Genie was really nice to me, and I didn't go into any details about Cookie, which I'm proud of. I wonder if Cookie even told her what she did - I.E. Sleeping with AJ, Jared, Bynum and me, dating three of us, all in the same time-scale. I doubt it. I don't think anyone knows that about her, except for the guys involved. AJ told Jenn the reason he broke up with her is because he found out she was still dating me. I'm proud of him for that. Jared, I was told, broke up with her because she was doing too many drugs. I'm not surprised about that. She was basically anorexic the entire time she was with me and never lost weight, and then suddenly lost it by the boatloads. People talk about that, ya know. By the looks of it, she had three guys break up with her in a short period of time and then she hit a guy that wouldn't even date her - because he's not into it for relationships. Then again, I was the one that took her back when I should've known better. It proves I'm a masochist, because after all, the only reason I broke up with her was because she continued to attack me and tear me down day after day after day. She called it arguing - no, it wasn't that. It was her trying to make herself feel better about her immoral self by destroying my righteous and upright self in her mind. I took her back because I wanted laid, plain and simple. I've learned my lesson. At the time I wanted kids with her, but I should've known better than to think it'd work out. Really, deep down inside, it was probably lust. And that's the last bout with it I'm ever going to have.

Matt told me she's been talking shit behind his back, but was very nice to him when he went there. Funny how that works. I think in due time she'll pay her debts, or maybe she already is by dating an old man because no one else will date her.

Too bad for her. I'd wish her the best, but I know she'd squander it. She already has.

So, I've got that whole bit out of the way, anyhow.

I've been working on a song called Ice. The problem is that by watching The Dark Knight, I'm not so sure I want to write a song with lyrics like that anymore. The world isn't so bad. Some people blame the way they are because of what they've been through, but you always have choices. And honestly? I may have been mistreated all throughout school, but since then, not a gods damned person has a bad thing to say about me to my face. I don't care what they say when I'm not around, but to be honest, I don't think anyone really does say anything. I'm a nice person, I'm a good person, I'm a giving person. I'm a selfless person.

And yes, I am also pretentious. But that is because I know I am righteous, that I am intelligent, and that I have many talents. But I don't let it belittle the people around me. I have my faults just like everyone else, but I'm always trying to work on them. Some people just accept them and call themselves a product of their environment, like my ex did to explain all of her behavior. But guess what - that just shows laziness and a lack of drive. As soon as you have cognition, you have the ability to change. Any psychologist will tell you that.

I say, let the world beat on me if it desires. But I'm going to come out of the beating better than those who beat me. That's how it works.

I hope you enjoyed the update as much as I did.