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Might as well.
Dec. 20th, 2008 11:17 pmI think my artistic slump is over finally, and that's a wonderful thing. It has taken months for me to actually get artistic again - I must be finally healing, after all of this time.
I think about her less and less as the weeks pass by. That's the way it always works. I know that I wasn't the unfaithful one, the liar, the cheater. I wanted to keep it going and she didn't. There's nothing more to be said. She tried to make it appear as though it was both of our faults, or mostly my own. But it wasn't. It was hers. She was the only one that didn't want it to work, she was the only one fucking other people while still fucking me. I was the only one trying to fix problems. Now I realize how great of a person I am, and how terrible she really is. She expected me to change completely, but sought not to change herself or to meet me halfway.
Everyone believes there's someone better than her out there for me, and I'm beginning to agree. With all of those positive feelings from people, there's no way it won't happen. It's a matter of time. On top of that, I'm up to 15" biceps and growing - I'm sure I'll be up to 17" within a couple months.
You know, it really pisses me off, however. The lies. I actually went through and looked around myspace - the funny part is that it didn't bother her one bit we were having problems. It didn't show. She didn't care. She NEVER cared. It's obvious now the entire relationship was a ruse, and I find that more painful than anything else. You'd expect a person would be trying to talk to other people about their feelings if they were so intense...she lied about it all. She didn't have any feelings for me for quite some time, and must've just kept fucking because she's a nympho. How nice.
At this point in my life, I would give my whole world for a wife and children. Time keeps on moving, and I'm still here. I don't find most of the girls I come across appealing in the least bit, regardless of their beauty. I now see the difference between lust and genuine interest. I never did before, which was likely a partial cause to the incompatibility issues I faced in previous relationships.
I will continue to better my body, mind and spirit as I wait patiently. I have noticed that in my life everything comes to pass that should without the implementation of my will. I fear that a magician suffers more than others because any time we impose will upon reality, we suffer greater karmic backlash than those who are not aware or sensitive. When we stop imposing will, the strands of fate take us where we need to go at that moment.
I also realized that there are a lot of single people in the world, not unlike myself. I'm going to be just fine, and I'm not going to settle with some dipshit broad with big boobs and no intelligence again. No, it's going to take someone truly special for me to fall in love.
Although, I do need to call Dierdre. I really miss her. It has been such a long time since we've seen eachother.
I always had feelings for her, although I doubt that will ever get anywhere. But you never know. I just need to get up enough confidence to call her and say hi...even though she was looking forward to my call a few days ago.
Blegh.
I think about her less and less as the weeks pass by. That's the way it always works. I know that I wasn't the unfaithful one, the liar, the cheater. I wanted to keep it going and she didn't. There's nothing more to be said. She tried to make it appear as though it was both of our faults, or mostly my own. But it wasn't. It was hers. She was the only one that didn't want it to work, she was the only one fucking other people while still fucking me. I was the only one trying to fix problems. Now I realize how great of a person I am, and how terrible she really is. She expected me to change completely, but sought not to change herself or to meet me halfway.
Everyone believes there's someone better than her out there for me, and I'm beginning to agree. With all of those positive feelings from people, there's no way it won't happen. It's a matter of time. On top of that, I'm up to 15" biceps and growing - I'm sure I'll be up to 17" within a couple months.
You know, it really pisses me off, however. The lies. I actually went through and looked around myspace - the funny part is that it didn't bother her one bit we were having problems. It didn't show. She didn't care. She NEVER cared. It's obvious now the entire relationship was a ruse, and I find that more painful than anything else. You'd expect a person would be trying to talk to other people about their feelings if they were so intense...she lied about it all. She didn't have any feelings for me for quite some time, and must've just kept fucking because she's a nympho. How nice.
At this point in my life, I would give my whole world for a wife and children. Time keeps on moving, and I'm still here. I don't find most of the girls I come across appealing in the least bit, regardless of their beauty. I now see the difference between lust and genuine interest. I never did before, which was likely a partial cause to the incompatibility issues I faced in previous relationships.
I will continue to better my body, mind and spirit as I wait patiently. I have noticed that in my life everything comes to pass that should without the implementation of my will. I fear that a magician suffers more than others because any time we impose will upon reality, we suffer greater karmic backlash than those who are not aware or sensitive. When we stop imposing will, the strands of fate take us where we need to go at that moment.
I also realized that there are a lot of single people in the world, not unlike myself. I'm going to be just fine, and I'm not going to settle with some dipshit broad with big boobs and no intelligence again. No, it's going to take someone truly special for me to fall in love.
Although, I do need to call Dierdre. I really miss her. It has been such a long time since we've seen eachother.
I always had feelings for her, although I doubt that will ever get anywhere. But you never know. I just need to get up enough confidence to call her and say hi...even though she was looking forward to my call a few days ago.
Blegh.
