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This post is for friends only.
May. 4th, 2003 12:26 amThat's right, just like the subject said. Friends only. Certain people who read my journal occasionally outside of you friend people do not need to know these things.
Okay, there are a few details as to why cassandra has not left my mind as of yet. I'm going to clarify them, as the mind controlled haze i was in has finally begun to lift and i'm realizing thing after thing that occured that i never paid attention to, WHEN I SHOULD HAVE.
First of all, i was ritually bound through blood to her. I was drunk and agreed to it when she asked me to cut myself after she cut herself. I did so, and the bond was then formed. I am bound strongly to her soul. And the fact is, there was always energy exchange. And oddly enough, it was in HER direction.
Manipulation. Yes, that's right. Along with being a psyvamp she was good at manipulating people, always getting what she wanted. She even explained to me how good she was at it while we were walking once (notice, i was infatuated and controlled as well. i didn't care, and i never suspected she would control me.)
Energy drain. She told me she did it once, and promised to never do it again. Yeah fucking right. Winged Wolf, though i do not trust her guild, (yeah, sorry lilac, i don't really trust the psion guild) told me once that cass was a psyvamp. I proceeded to get cass into a chat with all of them, and oddly enough when she popped in, she popped back out. I think she knew she was outmatched by probably everyone in the psipalatium chat at that point. She didn't want help with being a psyvamp, she wanted to continue being an 'unethical', as jenn put it, vampire.
She would've never told me that she was a psyvamp had i not confronted her about it. NEVER. I would've never known a damn thing. Yeah right she isn't still draining me to this very day, since that fucking link is one way right to her.
Back when i talked to her daily, she once talked to me about the past relationships she had. They involved this: Well, i really don't need to say that part.
Do you know what else they involved? She would drain their 'emotions' as she explained, the bad ones, the ones i guess she liked to feed off of. Anger, hatred, sadness ect...She then proceeded to tell me that after she took all those from them, there was nothing left. And why would there be, when you take the antithesis away, how can there be a thesis to begin with?
I began to ponder off of that. I remember her saying that she had to end the relationship always. the guy never did. Now look at my situation. I think i know which emotion she left on them purposefully. love.
Unkillable love for her. That's what she left in them and me. And now i have to find a way to destroy this fucking one-way bond to her. And i don't know where to start, and i'm sitting here wishing i was dead because i'm incapable of moving on to someone else.
I knew the period after where i need to repair myself was lasting too long. I knew it wasn't just normal stuff. I wish i was dead. Obliterated. So i felt nothing and she couldn't take from me anymore. My heart aches...too much.
Okay, there are a few details as to why cassandra has not left my mind as of yet. I'm going to clarify them, as the mind controlled haze i was in has finally begun to lift and i'm realizing thing after thing that occured that i never paid attention to, WHEN I SHOULD HAVE.
First of all, i was ritually bound through blood to her. I was drunk and agreed to it when she asked me to cut myself after she cut herself. I did so, and the bond was then formed. I am bound strongly to her soul. And the fact is, there was always energy exchange. And oddly enough, it was in HER direction.
Manipulation. Yes, that's right. Along with being a psyvamp she was good at manipulating people, always getting what she wanted. She even explained to me how good she was at it while we were walking once (notice, i was infatuated and controlled as well. i didn't care, and i never suspected she would control me.)
Energy drain. She told me she did it once, and promised to never do it again. Yeah fucking right. Winged Wolf, though i do not trust her guild, (yeah, sorry lilac, i don't really trust the psion guild) told me once that cass was a psyvamp. I proceeded to get cass into a chat with all of them, and oddly enough when she popped in, she popped back out. I think she knew she was outmatched by probably everyone in the psipalatium chat at that point. She didn't want help with being a psyvamp, she wanted to continue being an 'unethical', as jenn put it, vampire.
She would've never told me that she was a psyvamp had i not confronted her about it. NEVER. I would've never known a damn thing. Yeah right she isn't still draining me to this very day, since that fucking link is one way right to her.
Back when i talked to her daily, she once talked to me about the past relationships she had. They involved this: Well, i really don't need to say that part.
Do you know what else they involved? She would drain their 'emotions' as she explained, the bad ones, the ones i guess she liked to feed off of. Anger, hatred, sadness ect...She then proceeded to tell me that after she took all those from them, there was nothing left. And why would there be, when you take the antithesis away, how can there be a thesis to begin with?
I began to ponder off of that. I remember her saying that she had to end the relationship always. the guy never did. Now look at my situation. I think i know which emotion she left on them purposefully. love.
Unkillable love for her. That's what she left in them and me. And now i have to find a way to destroy this fucking one-way bond to her. And i don't know where to start, and i'm sitting here wishing i was dead because i'm incapable of moving on to someone else.
I knew the period after where i need to repair myself was lasting too long. I knew it wasn't just normal stuff. I wish i was dead. Obliterated. So i felt nothing and she couldn't take from me anymore. My heart aches...too much.
