Musings

Nov. 6th, 2016 01:30 am
sathor: (Default)
[personal profile] sathor
I'd like to pursue a degree in psychology. I'd like to find a cheap online school to finish my bachelor's with, though - and that's going to take some serious research. I have played with this idea for years - staying around here and just chipping away at a B.A. until maybe I can go to a grad school - but never really pursued it. I know that most online schools aren't that great (in fact, I think a lot of them are scams) so that's going to be a problem. I also know many of them have weird programs, as opposed to full academic ones.

Part of the reason I want to pursue psychology is because I've had a lot of indicators in my life pointing me towards that - I don't know if I believe in coincidence or synchronicity...or mysticism at all anymore, but I do know that there have been a lot of road signs on the way. I've come in contact with a lot of people who were not of sound mind...I've been not of sound mind myself at times...and maybe, more importantly, I've always been a person people turn to when they have issues and need someone to listen to and to receive advice from. Always. Without fail I seem to have some sort of "tribal shaman" marker on me, invisible as it is to my eyes.

Along those lines, maybe, is the fact that when I was much younger I received a reiki attunement, and considered myself a healer. There are probably a ton of entries in this journal regarding that, if you go back far enough - mostly before the relationships, and partially into the first one. I've fallen off that path for a long, long time now - a fact somewhat disconcerting to my spirit.

Now I don't know if I can really go through with pursuing a degree - the fact of the matter is, physical university is the way it should be done, and I'm fairly certain I can't afford it - nor can I risk the debt - nor am I really sure I want to move and have to work full time to support myself while chipping away at a degree, all the while out of my element. But I wanted to write down the desire anyway, just as a reminder to myself that I want to *try*.

As for a more "real" update, not much to remark on. My health seems to be improving (I cut fiber out of my diet, and caffeine/coffee, although I am drinking some coffee right now.) The fiber aspect makes me think I have an inflamed digestive tract. Now, I never used to consume fiber in any meaningful amount ANYWAY, but it was only when I started having issues that I started eating more of it - and maybe that created a kind of feedback loop. I wanted to get more whole grains in my diet, and I succeeded for a long time, but if I'm correct, the price I was paying was far too high.

If my health stays stable...I should be able to get back to work. That would be good. The only problem is...where to work...or whether to actually move (though I don't really want to) and pursue a physical college education...bleh. Still the same old dilemma.

In a way, I feel like I'm getting to an age now where starting over is really difficult, even though it's not like I have anything to lose. Starting over at a new job is going to suck, I do know that, and I don't particularly like most of the jobs available around here anyway...so that makes it worse.
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